See you in September

Last day in Paris – or in France, I should say, as I’m out in the Perche.

It’s strange, but since I’ve been back I haven’t felt much of a need to post to the blog. There are several reasons for this… one of them is that I’ve been too busy running around to actually do much thinking about anything other than logistics. Another reason is that there’s nothing terribly exotic about being here in France. I should say, however, that returning here after being abroad for a while has been an eye-opener in many respects; it will be an interesting exercise to develop that concept. And, of course, there’s the fact that my time here has been overwhelmingly colored by the fact that I’m in a wheelchair. A major commentary about that is in the making!

But perhaps the most important explanation for my writer’s wind-down is that most of the people I’ve been writing for are here in France, and most of the others I will be seeing very soon. It’s been so lovely to actually see the people I’ve been thinking about for months, and I’m looking forward to the next few weeks where I’ll pretty much complete the circle.

It’s been a good three weeks. Coming back was truly coming “home”. When I left last September I very badly needed a change. I got more than I had expected… and better.

It’s very difficult to talk about something like this without falling into the use of clichés, and, as I mentioned, I’m not feeling particularly creative at the moment. But I shall try anyway.

I am more and more grateful for the change that was wrought in me this year. Spending time at my wonderful Wat Opot taught me a lot of necessary things about myself and about others, as did the hours and hours I spent being near the bottom of the void when I was in Phnom Penh. Coming home has been another pleasant surprise: I love it here, I love Paris, I love the people who have become part of my life. I’m looking forward to coming back in September – I have plans, plans, plans. It feels so good to be motivated again!

Choirs, be warned: Bonnie is Back!

Something else I didn’t do during the three weeks I’ve been here is take a lot of photographs. I’ve posted a few, but many of the people and things who have been a huge part of my life recently aren’t in the pictures.

My country life has been filled with laughter and partying, in the best sense of the word… The “boys” are kind and considerate hosts; lively humor, a common love for creature comforts and personal honesty have helped lessen the strangeness of being homeless, handicapped and unemployed…

Dan and Pascal also have some lovely friends that I’ve enjoyed spending time with. In addition to hosting several dinners at home, we’ve been chez Brigitte and Eric, chez Sylviane and Guy, chez the neighbors. Anne-Marie and Fédé even had a special dinner party in honor of my return. Once I find “my” house here in the Perche (my plan for September) I’m going to have to do quite a bit of entertaining!

In Paris, Danielle and Gérard welcomed me with open arms. I was particularly touched to be able to share some of the trials and tribulations of being wheelchair-bound with Gérard, who has been handicapped for ten years. Of course, the fact that I am only temporarily in a wheelchair means that I will never fully understand what goes on in his mind, but our current mutual understanding helped cement our friendship – and was even good for some healthy laughs. Danielle is a pro at managing the logistics for limited-mobility people, and I felt welcomed and cared-for in their home. I’m sorry that I never got a chance to have a picture taken of us all, but no worries, the memories will not fade!

Michèle has been a rock, a comfort and an inspiration. Her help over the past several months with my medical issues and since my return is the perfect illustration of what it means to be a friend. In the past three weeks she has taken me to medical appointments, treated me to a haircut, helped me with shopping, and has been unfailingly entertaining and generous. She has given up a large portion of her precious free time to be available to me, and I will never know how to thank her enough.

My musical friends have also surrounded me with warmth and caring. I hesitated to “descend” upon the choirs, but responded to the invitations I received, and am very grateful and reassured to see that all is well. My three interim directors, Mark, Aurélie and Linda, were very much appreciated by the choirs this year: I have had glowing reports of all three of them, and I can only say “halleluia”. My thanks to them for investing so much of themselves in their work with Voices, Allucere and the ACP youth choirs – for all three had to make personal sacrifices this year, and all three came through with flying colors. Dan also spent hours and hours working with Gaudeamus, and, thanks to his energy and musical knowledge, they were able to discover not only a new way of working, but also a whole new repertoire. Doors have been opened, and far be it from me to close them again!

There is a feeling of “rightness” about things, in spite of a few difficult moments, that I haven’t known for years. And I know now that it’s not just the morphine that made me feel so positive: Little Miss Sunshine is still going strong. Well, usually; in every life, even a happy one, there are regrets and things that one would like to change. But being happy doesn’t mean that everything is always perfect; happiness, at the moment, at least, is more synonymous with balance and lightness. It’s knowing that if things go down they will most likely go back up again soon. It’s being able to be sincerely interested in others instead of being tangled up inside and preoccupied with existential puzzles. It’s looking forward to tomorrow.

And so on to the next stage of the adventure: Minnesota and family. The US will be my fifth country since the accident, the seventh if you count layovers in Thailand and Germany. And after Minnesota, Middlebury, Vermont, where I’ll finally be doing what I love the most: making my students suffer.

Like a butterfly to the light, or like the light that calls to the butterfly. Does it matter which, as long as the light is divine and the butterfly is content?